O Great God

  It's that time of year again...Thanksgiving has come and gone and so have the fleeting moments of family gathered around a table sharing what they're thankful for.  So many say "my family", "my job", "time"...These are all true and very much legitimate.  I know that I have much to be thankful for but in the midst of those times when I see parents with their children and families fixing their children's plates I am compelled to revisit the anger that once consumed me.  I WANTED HER!  I WAS THANKFUL FOR HER! 
  I find myself whispering that all too familiar prayer once more..."are you really there?".  Often the words leave me and all I can do is weep and cry out "oh Great God, my baby, my baby".  I know He hears that too.  I know He's there.  Sometimes I just need to feel Him and be reminded again.  I forget so easily how far He's carried me.  I shouldn't. 
  Please know that in those quiet nights while the world sleeps and your world is wrecked and in the throws of full blown Neutropenic wars...He's small enough to know.  He hasn't forgotten even when it feels like He has. 
  I find myself singing thru the tears and praying that He's small enough to truly hear.  He is and He does and He understands even the craziest of prayers that would send others in frantic search of a straight jacket and rubber walls! LOL. 
  I am thankful that I am Joeli, Brelan, and MiBeth's mama =) 
Be Blessed!