May 22nd is THE day!!!! Our girls play for a local ballpark and the park president, his wife, board, and families have been so supportive of our family and our awareness for Neutropenia research. I was floored when the president came to me months ago and wanted to put on a tournament that would raise money to assist with getting me to Seattle for the coming Neutropenia conference and for some of Mileigh's medical expenses. The day is almost here! The tourney tshirts have been designed and will be printing soon and the squishy balls have been delivered. If you are local and want to play, all you need is a team of 5 men and 5 women and it's 150.00 entry fee. It's one pitch and a Friday night that is sure to be full of laughs and lots of fun. If you don't have enough for a team, I'm positive we can fit you in on another one if you'd like to participate.
If you aren't local but would still like to support and be a part of this Team JoMi event, you can contact me and order a tourney tshirt or visit us at www.gofundme.com/teamjomi
I've been truly humbled and just blessed this spring ball season and I, personally, cannot wait to see this all come to be. There will be lots of pictures and I'm sure lots of tears by this mama. I don't have pictures of the tourney shirts just yet but will post when I do.
Until then, thank yall so much for your prayers, thoughts, comments, support, and encouragement in this fight for a cure! #SINGLOUD
Hey Yall! Seems like this year is flying by and getting the best of me at times. I know it's been a while so I wanted, or should I say "needed", to sit a while and update. I think blogging is more theraputic for me than anything else at times, aside from music. My neutropenic brother's first baby, Tanner, was born last month and he is precious. I breathe him in every chance I get because to me babies smell like Heaven and I imagine that's what Joeli smells like now. I am positive she sent a kiss with him.
Recently, we've been attending a new church and I've started singing again on mic...write that down! It's been a while but I think it's been good for me to know that even in my mess He can still use me. I can't tell you the last "Mother's Day" that I was seated in a church till this year. Not only was I seated but I sang....and yep, I cried too. People don't want to hear about the mother who buried her baby too soon. There aren't awards for those mamas. To be honest, often there aren't even words for those mamas. Most would just assume smile their Sunday smile and say "happy mother's day" in passing and go on about their day, their life. I wish it was that simple. My mother's day weekend was filled with softball and neutropenia. Both girls played in a local tournament and Mileigh's team played for the championship and won after 12 hours at the ball park. She was so excited! In the midst of the championship game, neutropenia reared it's ugly head and her bones began to hurt. She was in visible pain on the field. As I sat in the bleachers and watched my baby girl's face wince each time she stepped with joint pain, all I could do was fight back the tears and pray. A coach took her some meds out onto the field but that would take time and the game must go on. I didn't have to tell her to be strong. She already was. She continued her game...she hit, she ran, and she scored thru acute joint pain due to marrow response. By the end of the game the medicine had taken affect and she was feeling better. That day, her team won and Neutro LOST!
In the closing ceremonies where they award each girl with a medal and the team with a trophy, all the mamas were out on the field with our cameras ready to capture those sweaty and smiling little girls get their medals. Towards the end a coach spoke up and awarded Mileigh with the trophy because she'd played thru the pain and showed such great dedication to her team and her game. The dam broke and the tears fell. All I could do was cry with pride for my little girl and appreciation for a softball family that loves my girls. Brelan joined me and held me as I attempted pictures thru blurred vision. She was really proud of her baby sister too. One of Mileigh's teammates that day had an older sister as well...born just days before Joeli in the same year. I wonder if she knew that when I looked at her I wondered if my J would look like that too. Mileigh carried that trophy with such pride...so much so that we took it to church the next day and she showed it to her grandparents after church. She was, and still is, really proud of that huge trophy. Thank you, SGS Softball, for loving my girls!
I struggled thru church on Sunday. I struggled to hear, I struggled to sing, and I struggled with my own emotions as I listened to the sermon about God blessing Hannah with a son after years of praying and years of being infertile. I wondered why God would answer my cries for a baby then take her away. I wondered why those mamas were never talked about. I wondered what she'd look like and what she'd want to wear. I wondered what her handwriting would look like on the homemade card she didn't get to make. I wondered what a picture would look like with me and all three of my girls. I still wonder. I wonder if family and friends know how much it hurts when they choose to not speak her name. She is still my little girl. I know it's not easy to know what to say when you're on that side of things but believe me, when you're on this side something is always better than nothing. When nothing is said it's like being cut to the core because it's as if, to them, she were never here. She was most certainly here...and still is. I know that Joeli is so proud of the way Brelan sticks up for Mileigh and for me. I know that she smiles when Mileigh pushes through and doesn't let neutro win. I know that she is with some of your babies in the er, hospital rooms, and labs. I know that she is with mamas I've never had the opportunity to meet quietly telling them that she's fighting for them and that they're doing the right thing. I know that she sings...she SINGS LOUD!
All in all, mother's day was as good as it could have been given the circumstances for me. I felt my J in my heart, I had Brelan and Mileigh in my arms, and that's all I could want. I breathed Tanner in and looked at his mama and my brother in a different way. Now they know what Heaven smells like too.
I know this post has been somewhat all over the place but I hope that you were able to hang in there with me. I will post some pictures at the end. Be Blessed and SING LOUD! We'd love to hear from you!
