Hey there. I'm just gonna jump right in on this one. My sweet Brelan has been dealt enough in her short eight years. She was forced to say good bye to the only big sister she had before she was even capable of understanding what that meant. She was thrown into the role of big sister when Mileigh came along. She's had to take a back seat often simply because she's healthy and Mileigh isn't. She's been given way more than an eight year old should have been, in my opinion. I have to believe that this is just part of God's plan in shaping her and molding her into exactly who she needs to be. Sometimes I wish that process wasn't so hard especially when they are so young.
This last week has proven to be pretty tough on my girl. As a mama, I'm supposed to fix it. I'm supposed to ease her aching heart and make things better. Some things, I just can't. I wish I could. This world, this life, these circumstances aren't fair. I'm not raising little girls to believe that we live in a world that is fair, because it isn't. Life happens. Being the big sister of a neutropenic has played a pivotal part in who Brelan is. She is very knowledgeable about neutropenia and has a huge heart for those affected by it in any form. She truly cares.
I've watched my sweet baby grow into a beautiful little girl who cares about people. Maybe I have neutropenia to thank for that. It's odd to take that perspective when neutropenia has taken so much from me. I am compelled to find good. Good in the one thing that was meant to destroy my family. My Brelan is teaching me that. Sometimes I am at a loss...a loss for words, a loss as to what I need to do, just lost. I'm thankful for tiny hearts that are resiliant and that love so big. No matter what neutropenia has taken from my family, no matter how it's changed our course in life, and no matter what the future holds for us I know that I have been so blessed to be called "Mama" by three of the most precious little girls this world has every seen!
My heart aches when hers breaks. I find myself crumpled at His feet and begging for the right answers. Teach me to teach her the right way. This morning I was driving home from car line and found myself begging for God to hold her heart today when I cannot. Tears scortched my face and fell to my lap as I begged for Him to just give peace. I believe that He will because He never fails. I steer her to Him when my words fail. I have to believe that she will grow in Him and that peace will come when nothing else seems to soothe.
Pray for your little hearts...please pray for Brelan and Mileigh's too. We are truly thankful for you! Sing Loud!
No comments:
Post a Comment