Hope Today

    There is hope today!  Hope for change, hope for awareness, hope for more.  What do you hold hope for?  What is the hope that compels you forward on your road in life?  Often, as a neutropenic and also as a parent of a neutropenic, life becomes stagnant.  We get lost in just trying to get through another day, another drop, or cold season with no illness.  Praying ourselves through another school week with no extra germs.  I choose hope.  I choose to put my efforts into being different and maybe making some not so comfortable decisions in hope's name. 
    Today started as an average day.  I woke Brelan and Mileigh for school.  I packed lunches, fixed breakfast, started laundry, and fixed hair for two of the cutest little girls I know.  As I pulled through car line I saw hope.  Did you hear me?!  I SAW hope!  Hope was walking into school hand in hand.  That's my hope, that's your hope, they're OUR hope for tomorrow.  It sends my mind reeling to several projects that are still in the works.  I think of their friendship...not just their blood relation.  I think of my neutro friends and family.  I think of the teams of people that are committed to working together all for one purpose.  To be heard.  To give hope.  To BE hope.  All for Neutropenia.  All for healing.  All for people.
   To sit back and read or look into our lives for a minute of time leaves me feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I take that as it's just bigger than me.  This hope, this condition in all it's forms, this life....it's bigger.  He's bigger.  I think of Joeli and what she'd sound like explaining Cyclic Neutropenia to one who has never heard.  I wonder what words she'd choose.  I think of the attitude she'd have in regard to her own condition and in regard to the protection of her baby sister.  Some say her words were stolen from her.  Maybe by some definitions that's true.  Not by mine.  My hope is that I bring her words to life in a way that honors her.  Of course I dream of the day that I can hear them come from her beautiful little self.  This wasn't the way I'd planned.  I knew she was a special little girl. I knew she was destined to make a difference.  Guess I'd never considered the not so common avenues that task could be accomplished. 
   I hold tight to my God and my faith when the road seems too long.  I find Hope there like no other.  I see Joeli, Brelan, and Mileigh who were given to me for such a time as this.  They've taught me more than I could ever dream of teaching them.  He gave me hope all wrapped up in three beautiful little girls.  I look forward to watching them grow and seeing them change and become who He wants them to be.  I feel privileged to be witness to Brelan and Mileigh and seeing their relationship change and grow over the years.  I am blessed to have watched Joeli grow for three years and five months.  I find hope in knowing that one day I'll see them all together at His feet.  All three of my girls. 
   There is hope for us.  There is hope for us as people and there is hope for us as neutropenic patients.  Live loud!  Don't lose your hope!  Be Blessed!