Panic Stricken Randomness

I needed a place to go today
It's not supposed to be this way.

I want to hold you tight right now
and trace the beauty of your brow.

I tell them how you fought so brave
You're fighting now, even from the grave.

Brelan and Mileigh miss you so
God, why did she have to go?

I want to feel your sweet face again
I want to touch and breathe you in.

I don't know how to do this here
Here in this place of lies and fear.

You brought light in a darkened place
I miss that sweet smile on your face.

They tell me of their thoughts of you
The dreams they dream are never new.

They meet you when the world is at rest
It's then that they play the best.

I find a smile now and then
when I think of you with them.

Watch over your baby sisters please
Watch over them and watch over me.

Tell Jesus to scoop you up real tight
that's your mama hugging you tonight.

These tears that fall are not in vain
You, Joeli Lynn, are bringing change!

I love you sweet girl, All Heart
One day I'll be there and we will never part.

Until the day we meet again
Remind us every now and then.

I'll fight for you till my last breath
You're saving many from senseless death.

When night is still and silence so loud
I think of you and I am so, so proud.

So, these tears that burn my face tonight
Are adding fuel for your fight.

Goodnight sweet girl, I love you All Heart

Around the world
In the house
On the street
I even love
"your stinky feet"  ;)


~I got in bed tonight with a heavy heart.  I just miss my girl, that's all.  Panic set in and instead of succumbing to it's grips I decided to get up and jot down some things.  This came out.  With life being so busy with Brelan and Mileigh lately, I often find myself wondering what it would be like with Joeli too.  I wish I knew.  They talk about her a lot.  I like that.  I know that they'd be close.  Makes me proud to hear them include her in their little lives.  They don't have any memory of her alive but you'd never know that to hear them speak of her.  I want the world to hear Joeli's song.  I want them to know that it didn't have to be this way.  I want parents to have appropriate information about their children who suffer from Neutropenia in any form and I want children to be treated with appropriate medical care regarding Neutropenia.  Appropriate is the key word here...it doesn't have to be the "norm" to be appropriate.  People need to know that.  This post may be random at best...it is what it is.  I often find myself at a loss.  Your comments and encouragements carry me some days.  I know there's fear in that.  I know Joeli's story is someone else's worst nightmare.  I know nightmares cause us to run in the opposite direction.  Please know that she needs you.  I need you.  Other parents need you.  Don't lose out on being a blessing just because you think someone else has it covered.  Be Blessed!