Hall Pass

     Do you ever feel like you can't really catch your breath?  Like you just need a second to catch up...  Life for my family has been pretty hectic lately thanks to softball and celebrating the births of 2 of my sweet girls.  The last few days I've found myself missing Joeli so very much.  I don't have an explanation of why or a trigger that caused it...I just do. 
   I often wonder what she's doing, what she looks like, sounds like, and even smells like.  She MUST smell like Jesus.  I'd give anything just to be able to have a "hall pass" into Heaven.  Surely those aren't allowed because if we had them, we'd never leave.  It's times like these that I cling to what I know.  I cling to what I believe.  I don't always get it right... who am I kidding... I rarely get it right.  I'm drawn back time and time again because I know that I know that I know that He loves me.  I suppose maybe, in a sense, we do get a hall pass here and there.  Those brief moments when our faith shines thru and we don't struggle so hard to see.  The times when we blink and see clearly. 
   I saw a new Hemoc last week, speaking of clear moments.  It was refreshing to be heard for over an hour by a physician who didn't know me from Adam.  There was genuine interest and concern in that appointment.  I am cautiously excited and looking forward to my next appointment.  I feel somewhat scattered as I type.  I began this post thinking "I just need a minute to breathe" when in reality that's exactly what this was.  He shows up when I step back and let Him.
  I'm reminded as I look at the clock that it's almost time to go pick up Brelan and Mileigh from school.  I wonder if they need a hall pass too.  Maybe they just need to know that I'm proud of them and that they are good kids who's "best" is enough.  We get so wrapped up.  I miss my sassy Joeli but I'm quite sure some of these Divine appointments are scheduled with her assistance.  I smile when I think of possible conversations between God and Joeli.  They are tag teaming me =). 
  I've dreamt of her lately.  I just needed to see her.  That need drives me to His feet, a place where we all meet.  A hall pass... Maybe I just needed to look a little harder.  It was here the whole time. 
  I apologize for this scattered mess I call a post.  I'll take a pass today ;).  I truly appreciate your prayers and support.