Hey Y'all! Please take a minute and listen to this song. As I mentioned yesterday, lately I've just felt run down and just plain exhausted and emotional. I chose this particular part of the lyric for the title because it really speaks to me. Music is my language when I have no words. I want that for "Joeli's Song"! I want her song to rise and be heard and to make a difference in the Neutropenia world and in the lives of children and adults currently living with any form of Neutropenia.
It's overwhelming to think about, truth be told. I have lyrics for Joeli's physical "song" and I want them edited and put to beautiful music and I want to sing them. I plan to do this with the help of a friend or two but the emotions involved in those lyrics take my breath. Some of those lyrics I wrote days after she left my arms. To go back to that place causes my chest to feel heavy, my heart to ache, my throat to burn, and my arms to physically hurt to this very day.
I want to write! I want to write things that I don't currently have words for! I want her story to be heard so that it NEVER becomes the story of another soul affected by Neutropenia. I want all of these words, thoughts, and ideas put on paper and in one place. Can you see why I'm "worn"?! haha...
I'm pretty good at figuring things out... Monday I taught myself how to change the head on the weed eater and add line! Three hours later my backyard was weed free and in the midst of it all it never occurred to me to wear pants in place of shorts! Needless to say... I have now figured that out too, a few nicks and scratches later! (You can laugh...I'm ok with that!). I mention the "figuring things out" bit because you'd think I'd be fine when it came to editing my lyrics or seeking publishing opportunities for a book but for whatever reason I'm not. I'm completely overwhelmed. Maybe because I want it to be perfect and maybe because I'm slightly OCD! Some of you who know me may disagree with my decision to use the word "slightly" LOL. That's ok too...especially considering I have to approve your comments before they post =D.
All of this said, I often find myself worn. I find myself on my face at His feet. I find myself breathless from the constant struggle to keep on keeping on. This is where music comes in for me. When I'm in this worn condition, I'm often at a loss for words. Imagine that! Music and writing speaks to my soul in a way like no other. At times I find myself singing right by myself and it feels so real I promise I hear her. That may sound silly but to me it's just His way of saying "she's ok, Mama". I have no doubt that it's her I hear...just as I have no doubt that it's Him I hear. He is bigger than this world and anything it has to throw my way, death included!
Are you worn? He hears...He knows...He holds and heals!
I love y'all so much and I appreciate your encouragement after yesterday's post. Please don't ever hesitate to comment or contact me in any way with your suggestions or questions. It makes my heart smile when I hear from you! Be Blessed!
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