There's More Than Meets The Eye

   How often do we go about our day checking off things on our "to do" lists and still fail to get any further than the surface?  Sure, we include lots of detail and keep up with the day to day, but how often do we see clearly?  I get wrapped up in homework, softball, pigtails, is the laundry clean all day every day, and the list continues...  At times the overwhelming feelings of a new day with new tasks tend to cloud my view and often my purpose.  Of course, being a wife and mom includes millions of boxes to check off but it also demands that I feed the souls and personalities that I've been entrusted with. 
   Last week I had a conversation with my five year old, who also happens to be Cyclic.  For those of you who've spoken to a five year old for longer than thirty seconds you are quite aware that those conversations are often scattered and humorous.  In the beginning of this chat with Mileigh I automatically assumed that it'd be another one of those silly talks that appropriately reflected her outlook on life.  I was wrong on every level! 
   My two younger girls, Brelan (7) and Mileigh (5), have been handed more of this world's "blows", so to speak, than most adults.  They understand far more than they should about life, death, hurt, and faith.  That said, Mileigh came to me and wanted to talk about Joeli.  I've never kept anything away from them in regard to her.  In my opinion they'd never know her if I hid her memory away in my own heart.  Mileigh is very outspoken and hasn't developed a filter yet...not sure which parent she got that from but you know, HA!  Mileigh told me, very matter of fact, that she "missed Joeli".  This wasn't the first time I've heard this from her but something in her innocent voice struck me in a way that it never had before.
   I was at a loss.  I looked at this curly, blond haired, blue eyed little girl and did my best to not let her hear the strain in my voice.  I simply replied, "me too, baby, me too".  Mileigh's resemblance to Joeli is uncanny.  She quickly brought me back from my tears and said "No Mama, I REALLY miss Jo-Jo!".  What do you say to such a demanding and serious conversation from your five year old?!  I decided to let her talk.   Some may think that's the easy way to handle such a sensitive occurrence.  I disagree.  Have you ever listened, with your heart wide open, to a child who genuinely misses the sibling they never got to meet?  As a mother, my heart broke all over.  She began telling me about playing with Joeli in her dreams.  She told me that "Jo-Jo" was her "best friend".  As the tears began to pool and burn in my eyes it was all I could do to remain seated with heart and ears open.  I wanted to wrap all of this sweet innocence up in my arms and never let her know the feeling of absence again.  I couldn't.  I couldn't protect Joeli from that and I can't protect Brelan and Mileigh from that either. 
  The tears fell, searing my cheeks on the way down and I hugged Mileigh tight.  I whispered, because it was all I could manage, and told her that Joeli would always be with her no matter what.  I told her that Joeli would watch over her, love her, and be her best friend forever.  She was quick to say "I know, Mama...you have black stuff all over your face" LOL....  There it was, the scattered and comedic return of my Mileigh.  As quickly as that moment came, it left.  That's all she needed. 
   We, as parents, sometimes think that because they're small they don't see clearly.  They do.  Maybe clearer than we do.  There's more to Mileigh than blond curly hair, blue eyes, and sassy carefree mannerisms.  There's truth.  There's heart.  There's joy.  There's hurt.  There's a friendship with a big sister that she never got to meet.  You would never know.  I am in awe of the One who can give them what I can't.  I pray they always meet in their dreams.  Nothing is above Him... He orchestrates much more than we will ever be aware of, maybe even divine friendships.  This makes this mama's heart smile in a way I can't express.  Listen to your babies...you might learn something!  I did =)