You Are My Sunshine

    After the last couple of weeks of an emotional roller coaster, I was thankful to wake up this morning to no school, cool weather, sunshine, and happy girls ready to take on the driveway with their scooters!  I sat on the porch for a while watching them play and basking in the sunshine.  I love cool weather but this southern girl is ready for beach weather!  As I sat and watched my girls and listened to their conversations about lady bugs and strawberries I couldn't help but think back to the days when I'd sit and listen to Joeli sing to Brelan.  "You Are My Sunshine" never sounded so sweet.  Lately I've been working on the condition of this heart of mine and trying hard to lay all of this mess that is me at the feet of the only One who can do anything with it.  I was reminded of my perspective as a parent hearing and watching my girls play.  During those brief moments when life seems to be at peace and there's no arguing involved.  The days when Mileigh hasn't taken on the role of a spider monkey and flung herself around her sister...LOL.  The sweet moments...  Makes me think that surely, when I'm able to lay my junk down and let Him be who He is and do what He does, surely He smiles.  I can only think that those are the moments, as a child of the most high King, that he sits back, takes a deep breath, and smiles!  Can you imagine Him smiling on us?  He does! 
    I remember one afternoon with Joeli.  Brelan was tiny and Chad had been home from work long enough to walk from the front door to the back patio.  I was busy in the kitchen but overheard Joeli tell her Daddy to look up.  She said, "Look Daddy, you see that?!  God paints you a new one of those every day!".  Joeli was referring to the sunset painted across the sky and as I stood watching my sweet girl and the man of my dreams I couldn't help but think that He did all of this for me.  I was in awe of the child that was mine seeing Him and His hands so clearly.  If only the filters on the eyes of our hearts were often removed...  I wonder if the struggle to know, the struggle to trust would remain.  I'm convinced that is why He refers to our faith being like that of a child.
   On days like today it's easy to go back to those memories and to see faith so clearly...it's these days and these memories that I'm compelled to cling to.  This is what gives me strength to simply take another breath on days that aren't so clear.  On days that aren't so full of peace.  I wish I'd had this perspective during some of the darkest times.  Maybe they wouldn't have been so dark.  Whatever they'd have been though I know one thing for sure,  He runs for me...even when I run hard and fast the other way!  He runs for you... 
    I'm sure there will come a day that I'll need to return to this post to remind myself of my own words.  Ironically, I find with my relationship with Him, He's definitely got a sense of humor and often at my expense (smile).  He's good for smacking me with my own words from a previous and much clearer time LOL. 
              "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.  You make me happy when
                skies are grey.  You'll never know dear, how much I love you.  Please
                don't take my sunshine away."
   I know full well there's more than this here.  There's more behind this beautiful day.  There's more within my precious girls than Cyclic Neutropenia and struggle.  There's amazing grace and purpose and a portrait painted with the hands of perfection at the end of it all.  For now, my heart is full.  For the days when I wake to grey skies,  His light isn't far away.  Joeli Lynn, you are my sunshine!  Keeping singing my sweet girl!  Shine bright!