We go through life with our own plans and seldom stop to consider how they might change given life's circumstances. We steer far away from the "what ifs". When the "what ifs" happen we are left floundering like a fish out of water wondering what to do now. I never in a million years imagined that I'd be celebrating one of my children's birth without them. Plans change. Plans aren't always my own. I know I've said this before and probably more than once but it bears repeating!
"For I know the plans I have for you,
Declares the Lord, plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I love that verse. Sometimes I find it hard to believe but I know that it's truth. I know that He had much bigger plans for Joeli and that she was bigger than this life. That's not always what I want to hear but what a sad place it'd be if everyone was told what they wanted to hear. Most would live a lie. So anyhow, my celebration plans for Joeli were definitely changed. As excruciating as it often is, it's also very important that we celebrate her in a way that is happy. She was happy. She deserves to be celebrated that way. Brelan and Mileigh wouldn't have it any other way. Oh to have the outlook of a child! I now know why God talks about having faith like they child. I learn so much from my girls. I'd asked the girls the night before what kind of cake they wanted me to get for Joeli. Who celebrates without cake?! They decided on a cookie cake and the balloon order was placed. I drove to lunch with a friend and picked out flowers in a heavy haze. After car line and piano lessons, Brelan, Mileigh, and I went to pick up balloons and all the "plans" were beginning to get to me. It was becoming harder to breathe. Soon, I'd have to witness 2 sisters celebrate the other in a strange silence.
In the South Alabama heat in mid August we decided not to chance transporting the balloons again to her resting place. We released them in our backyard before going to her marker. While watching them drift high I noticed one that lagged behind...she always seems to speak. We carried flowers, cleaning supplies, and a balloon to her marker. There Mileigh placed a stone she found in one of our favorite stores in Ann Arbor, MI this summer on Joeli's name. How sweet the bond is between sisters who never met. Brelan sat quietly although this mama knew her heart was hurting...she read the marker and watched as we cleaned and attended to the stone. We left there for dinner then came home to cookie cake in honor of our JoJo.
I try to do something different each year in regard to awareness for Joeli's birthday and this year we launched the #11for11 challenge through our www.gofundme.com/TeamJoMi page. So many of you responded and I was truly amazed. I say all of this because I want you to know that you were part of our celebration. It was because of your praying, sharing, and donating that I was able to purchase every single thing for Joeli's celebration yesterday! Thank you, from all of us. I do typically take pictures and I feel like that's normal. I know it might be taboo for some but this is the life we've been given and this is the plan that was put before us for Joeli, so I took pictures. I wanted y'all to see what you were a part of. Your comments, posts, and pictures supporting Team JoMi yesterday for Joeli's birthday kept me going and gave me the strength I needed to find joy in our situation. I've never posted a picture of Joeli's marker publicly (I have privately) but I am today. It's the only place where I can photograph all of my children in one place and it's beautiful.
Thank y'all again, from the bottom of my heart and please enjoy the memories made from Joeli's celebration of life. I'm honored that y'all would take the time to share and to become part of our family. Be Blessed! Sing Loud!
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