A Waiting Game

Life that is...is a waiting game. We wait to grow up, we wait with high anticipation for the child we've prayed to have, we wait to hear their precious voices speak the word "mama" for the first time.  I wait to scoop my Joeli up again and kiss her sweet face and am quickly reminded that I am not made for here.  So, I wait.  I wait in a world that is not my home.  I wait with her Daddy, who she adored.  I wait with her baby sisters whom she never got the chance to truly know.  I'm often reminded that He too waited.  He waited so that we might come.  He waited so to show us how.  I am in no way one to "fit the mold" when it comes to my faith.  I am, however, one who royally screws up on a pretty regular occasion, one who runs fast from the One who gave it all for me, and thankfully one who He sees as the apple of His eye.  I don't know what your "wait" is...waiting for a confirmed diagnosis, a phone call, an approval, a treatment, a hope...  I don't have the answers for my own waiting.  I wish I did.  I wish I had them across the board.  I wish you did! 
     I find myself waiting for the dreaded "day"...the day that marks the last day I ever got to feel the warmth of her touch.  The last day I ever saw her and Brelan together.  The anticipation is excruciating.  It'd be easy to go to sleep and wake up on the other side of that day.  I'm not fully aware of my purpose here but I'm quite aware of hers.  She made me the fighter that I am!  She is fighting for me, for Mileigh, and quite possibly for your baby too!  Often, waiting is part of the fight.  Don't discredit that.  While we wait we are confronted with those who desperately need to connect with us.  Those who desperately need the hope that we hold on to so tightly.  So, for now, I wait to hold her once more.  Another minute, another day, another month, and soon another year I wait.  I refuse to miss the precious smiles of Brelan and Mileigh.  I'm determined to live in a way that clearly displays to my girls how to make it in a world that is not our home.  I try to make the best of my "waiting time".  Do you?  Until we meet again, Joeli Lynn, we wait.